Remember That I Love You
by Skittle Dog
Summary: Eli never wants Clare to have to get over him. But if he would die tonight, he fears he wouldn't be able to stop her. One-shot.


A/N: You guessed it! Another story featuring Degrassi's favorite couple! Well, the fans of Degrassi anyway. But it's about Eli and Clare. Mostly Eli though. Cause errybody can't help but love him.

I'm not really sure how I thought of this; I was just suddenly inspired with the idea. It seems like something Eli would think about too considering his train wreck relationship with Julia anyway. As you'll soon see it's based off All Falls Down Pt. 2 and though I don't mention any names until the end it's pretty obvious ;)

So without further ado, it's story time!

But first a short disclaimer :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or any of its characters and though I highly doubt the true owners of Degrassi will read this, here's a special message. If you ruin Eli and Clare's relationship, I'm going to kick some Canadian ass :P Thank you and have a nice day!

** Remember **That** I Love You**

I'm about to die. I know it from the moment I see the glint of the knife winking at me from down the hall. And as its deadly shine grows closer and closer I'm able to better grasp this fact. But that's not what my mind is focused on. You see, from the moment I saw that knife, heard that crazed voice of my enemy, my thoughts flew straight to the girl standing next to me.

She's staring, blue eyes wide, a deer in the headlights and she can't move. Words go between us, and him; the villain of this tragedy unfolding, but they don't really matter. This train we got on by showing up here tonight has been set in motion and we can't get off. It's going to happen, no matter what I say, he says or she says.

But I don't care about this because I'm thinking about her. She's perfection personified, beautiful in every way and I think I might love her, though I've only known her a short while. Every moment of every day I want to kiss her even with the knowledge that whatever I touch I tend to destroy. And she's the reason I'm worried about that knife.

It's meant for me. He's made that clear, the way he approaches, cold eyes dead-set on me. Of course I'm worried for her safety, afraid she might do something reckless to anger him but she's frozen there. Fear has paralyzed her and for that I'm glad. It's keeping her safe in a way that I can't.

Because I'm so _fucking_ scared right now, not of the knife but what it means. If I die here tonight, _what will happen?_ I've never been very religious but I've heard the different theories. Heaven, hell, reincarnation, that kind of stuff. Heaven's where Julia is, if it exists. She deserved only the best. I, on the other hand doubt I am as worthy as she was. So what does that leave? Hell? Purgatory?

Or what if there's something different something worse? _What if I don't leave earth?_

And I know you're thinking what? Becoming a spirit, _a ghost?_ How can that be worse than hell? Well, have you ever really thought about it?

I guess this goes mostly for anyone in love. Dying isn't something you usually think about while in love, but ever since Julia, I have.

And that's why I'm so terrified right now. What if I die and become a spirit? What if I have to watch the aftermath of my death?

I can't think of many things worse than watching your family and loved one gathered around your dead body, crying and mourning your loss. Having to watch everyone you've ever known say goodbye to you _when you're still there._ When you're still standing next to them and they _just can't see you.  
_  
But there is one thing that just might be worse. And it involves the horrified girl standing next to me, as she waits to watch me die.

If I died and became a ghost, something you can't see, smell, touch, or hear, but something forced to roam the earth and watch...I would witness one of two things.

The first is quite of awful and I don't want to imagine it, but I will, seeing as it soon could be reality.

I would be forced to witness my girl, my dear sweet wonderful perfect girl, move on from me. And it doesn't take long, something I proved with Julia.

As a ghost I would wait in silence while she sobbed for me, mourned me, and loved me one last time before the coffin closed. Her family and friends would remember me with her and love every moment they had with me. Months would pass and I guarantee I would still be watching. Eventually the process would start. Mom and Dad would start telling her that I'm gone now and she needed to make her way back to reality. Friends would start taking her out with them again and before long it would happen.

_She would find someone new._ And I would be forced to see as this new boy lit up that spark in her eyes. See as some lucky guy made her blush and become her new attraction.

I'm sure I would seethe and rage with jealousy. I'd scream and stomp and pout but there would be utterly nothing that I can do.

At their first date, I'd probably cry, remembering ours, wishing that that could be me right now. She'd smile at something he said and I'd feel awful being so selfish, wanting her to stay in love with me.

It would go on like this for months, years, I don't know how long.

One day they'd exchange their "I love you's" in the way we never got to.

And it would just get worse and worse for me if that's all that's left for me in the afterlife. But you're not convinced yet, you assume hell could still be worse. Just_ think_ about it though!

Watching someone you love going through the agony of losing you. Then watching as you're friends turned against you, urging your loved one to get on with their life. _Your best fucking friend_ telling her that you're _dead._ That you're not coming back. Then watching as the one you adore, the one you cherish, find love elsewhere. Not with you. And then having to stand there _screaming_ that they can't possibly love someone else and you're still _right the fuck there._ Getting no reaction. Sobbing, crying, and moaning as you realize it's over.

To me, that's hell.

But I did mention one of two things. So now I'll tell you the second.

If she didn't move on, I imagine she'd take her own life. I'm not going to go into detail on this one because even as I stand here, about to die, I don't want to picture it. Because it'd be awful enough witnessing her downward spiral into guilt-ridden depression.

But the worst part, though, oh the worst part, would be that nasty, greedy little voice in my head that would whisper encouragement. It would want her to die, because it wants what I want. I wouldn't want her dead, I can guarantee you that. But, I'd want her to join me.

And I know I'm being quite arrogant, believing she would kill herself for me. As I said before, I think I might love her and from the way she looks at me, she might just feel the same way. I hope so.

When I'm gone I want her to remember that I love her. Because I don't want her to move on. I'm selfish and I'm horrible but I want her to love me. _Forever._ Even if I can't be there to show her that I love her back.

I'm suddenly thrown out of these thoughts when he steps forward and forces me back. I try and calm him and we exchange some more words but I know it's futile.

_Oh, God I don't want to die._

Cold lockers are at my back now and there's nowhere to run. This is really happening. I'm not focused on him anymore; I'm staring at the knife. The sharpened piece of metal that's about to end my life.

_Please, oh God, no._

"Someone's got to shut you up." He says and thrusts the knife forward. Convulsing instinctively, my body prepares for the impact and the pain it will cause.

My eyes dart to her. _I love you._

I hear a gasp.

A snicker.

But there's no knife sticking out of me. It's in the wall. I sink slowly to the floor as I understand. _I'm not going to die tonight.  
_  
Everything fades away and I can see his mouth moving and her eyes tearing up but I'm not really there, I'm lost in thought.

I realize something. Mark Fitzgerald taught me a lesson tonight. And I'm pretty sure it's not the one he was going for.

I, Elijah Goldsworthy, have learned that I will never let Clare Edwards move on from me. I just love her too much.

A/N: I'm going to be honest here, when I saw this on TV I was laughing so hard. But then I started crying mixed in with my laughing cause I was so happy Eli hadn't been stabbed. If you're wondering what I found humorous, I just thought Fitz's evil plan was clever ;)

So, I guess this story was kinda sad but if Eli was a ghost I do think he would probably stalk Clare and never let her go XD. AND HE NEVER WILL! GOT THAT, DEGRASSI EXECUTIVES?

That's what I thought.

Anyway, what did ya think? Love it? Hate it? Do review, please! I really love input from my readers! :D 


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